dave and I reaffirmed our bond this morning. I feel all nice and warm and stuff inside.
too bad I have to go to work. poop on work.
I don’t feel like everything is falling away from me anymore.
Dave did laundry and cleaned up the apt and stuff, and we made up.
I think part of when I feel scared and stuff is on some level I still expect something really painful to happen whenever I screw up. I mean, I still freak out when I spill something on the carpet, and dave is like “why are you sorry? its an accident” and I’m like “I’m sorry!” at least ten times.
also, my parents left me 23 messages last tuesday and they were mad and stuff. because I claimed myself on my tax return, they can’t get 300 bucks for claiming me, and I get kicked off their insurance in july. oh no, its nto like I finally have a job with insurance benefits or something. and they were pissed because they wanted me to come down to Houston for my dental stuff (I have to go to a houston area dentist under their insurance policy) and I don’t want to be trapped with them for a day, 300 (close enough) miles away from Dave.
ALSO we had already talked about this three times over the past week, and I had told them the same things.
SO in conclusion I had a super shitty whole week with an especially shitty saturday and sunday and also my hormones were making my hyper depressed. that happens for like five days before stuff. I can go into detail, but you didn’t ask. (don’t ask me questions you know really want to know the answer to, because I answer them, unless you’re a douche)
I feel a lot better today. Dave and I had lunch with some buds on dave’s lunch break, and I took a look at an apt. it looks nice, its smaller than where we live now, but its hella cheap. Also I didn’t make an appointment to view them, I just stopped in and the management was very nice.
We’d probably have to get rid of some furniture (*cough*quintuple-used-sofa-and-chair*cough*) but the storage space is MUCH improved, the kitchen is smaller but there is, in point of fact, a PANTRY. there are no pantries where we live now, we have to put stuff in our cabinets. I despise that.
also there are hardwood floors in the kitchen, living/dinning area and hall. I honestly could care less if they were cement floors, as long as it isn’t CARPET. I Hate carpet, with that capital “h” (how the hell do you onomatopoeia “h” eich haych heitch aytch? um anyways)
so today has been very productive today. I ment to go check out more apartments and stuff, but I have not yet. Mostly because the two places dave mentioned he told me “that place by applebees” and “the one nick’s moving to” so I am guessing on the first one, and the second one I have no idea.
I’m gonna do stuff now.
I feel like now that I finally have a real job everything is falling apart. I don’t know, maybe my hormones are making me crazy.
Dave doesn’t listen to me any more, it hurts and makes me sad. I’ve been asking him for two weeks to do laundry, and he didn’t even fold his clothes that I washed two weeks ago until last night, because I told him I asked him two weeks ago to get this done.
and something stupid, I forgot to get gas on my way home, and I asked dave if I could use his car, since he has 3/4 a tank and I had 1/8. and he said “sure baby, you can use my car” and then when we were getting ready for bed I asked for his keys, so he wouldn’t accidentally leave me with no keys and he said “why can’t you buy gas” so now I’m going to be late for work, because also I have to get a package from the front office and this clock on the computer is 5minutes slow, so its really 1027 not 1022 and it takes fifteen minutes to get to the highway from here.
I don’t know, maybe its just my hormones, but I feel like everything is falling apart today. Maybe it will be better tomorrow.
seriously, I make more than twice as much now. but this job is so draining. I work ten hour shifts, from noon to eleven. I don’t have any time on my days I do work to actually get anything done. And I’ve been asking Dave to look at houses and do some laundry and he just doesn’t. its so depressing. I took time out of my morning to set out the clothes for him to fold, and he didn’t do it. he had all day to do something. I know it isn’t right for me to complain, I get three days off and I usually don’t do anything on one or two of them. Its just I asked him to do this stuff last week, and it still isn’t done. I don’t know where we are going to live after our lease is up, due to our schedules it is impossible for both of us to look at a property together. We’d have to look at 530p or later on tuesday thursday or friday. and everywhere closes at six.
I dunno, I just get so down and fatigued after each shift I don’t have any energy left to deal with something going unplanned when I get home. It gets me all out of whack and so depressed when things are done. I used to just tell dave to do it and yell at him until it got done. but I’m not here to yell at him anymore so it never gets done. he doesn’t do it unless I call him on my first break, my lunch and my second break.
I had a call go over my shift end time by thirty minutes, all because of some lazy ass dick fuck that couldn’t give me an approval code. he told me to do some stupid shit that actually fried this customers set top box. pissed me off, then, after it’d been fried, he made some shit up about how it was supposed to do that and just tell the customer “sorry, can’t fix it, call back later” when all it needed was someone to come out and replace it. AND the shitty ass tools we used crashed so I wasn’t even able to log the call, I have to do it in the morning.
this day was crappy, I know I HAVE to keep this job, so I will. But it feels like I can’t, ya know?
I dunno, whatever, maybe I’ll fall asleep tonight instead of tossing around.
